Are You Really Listening? Keys to Successful Communication
By Paul J. Donoghue, Ph.D., and Mary E. Siegel, Ph.D.
Sorin Books, 2005
$14.95

Communication is an issue everyone has to deal with. We worry about how to make ourselves understood, and how to ensure that we really have the attention of the people we hope are listening to us. But for fibromyalgia patients, trying to explain to medical professionals, family, and friends exactly what they’re feeling is a massive challenge that can become a barrier to successful treatment and a stumbling block to healthy relationships. 

That’s where Are You Really Listening? comes in.

“Listening at home or at work is not a luxury—it’s a necessity,” the authors write. “Without it, distance grows, distrust and misunderstanding abound, and families and businesses become less cohesive, less united, less healthy, and less productive.”
 
The first section of the book focuses on the difficulty of listening, with several chapters dedicated to miscommunication in specific types of relationships: spouses, parents and children, professionals and clients. The second section of the book details the different ways in which people do not listen to others, like defensive reactions. 
 
The last third of the book contains helpful hints for becoming a better listener.
 
“First and foremost,” the authors write, “when listening to another person your focus needs to be on that person. You are not planning your reaction to what the person is saying; you are not preparing your advice or your defense or your opinion. If you picture a spotlight hanging above you and the speaker, its light would be shining on him or her, not you.”
 
Included in this section are the effects of good listening, among them developing a sense of connection between the speaker and the listener. Perhaps most important for patients with FM and other chronic conditions, the penultimate chapter is entitled, “Learning to Be Heard.”
 
The advice contained in this slim volume isn’t anything new—but since we’re all aware that we’re surrounded by poor listeners (even though we may not recognize that we are sometimes poor listeners, too), it’s evident that we can’t hear these pointers too many times.