By: Ariana Rush
I was first diagnosed with FM in 2014. I have been dealing with this disease since I was 14, 25 years ago. After being diagnosed I spent a lot of time thinking. I wanted to know WHY. With the help of my older sister Kara, I figured out that for me Fibromyalgia started a long time ago. I remember my sister saying, “you were always in some kind of pain when we were teenagers, but it is much worse now”.
I remember laying on the couch trying my hardest to convince my brain that what I was feeling was not actually pain. It never worked, but the laying down and meditating was really good for me. Now at 39, I have a husband with whom I recently celebrated our 23rd anniversary. I have three boys, ages 22, 20 and 17. I have a wonderful sister, who is always there for me. My biggest support is always my boys, they are always there to help me walk, open jars, and do anything else I need help with.
I couldn’t do this alone. Yet, a lot of times I feel alone.
That no one really understands what I struggle with every day. The other people, friends, acquaintances, strangers who say I look good, I do not look sick, I was fine yesterday, and all those wonderful comments that I am sure everyone reading this has heard SO MANY TIMES I could live without. They don’t realize their comments and dismissals and plain indifference hurt more than their friendship helps. So, to wrap this brief life history up.
It really has been a big dose of difficult. Every day, I have to take that dose, and my meds, and drag myself out of bed. I try to be pleasant and do what I can for my family. I have to try to just make it through that one day. Swallow my dose of difficult and go to bed. Hopefully go to sleep. Wake up and start all over. Every day I think about everyone out there taking their own doses of difficult and I feel for them.
I want to tell them that I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL! I know you can do it, that I am here for you even if we have never and will never meet! Never give up or give in.
I love you! Ariana Rush.