By: Prerna Tiwari
Hi, I am Prerna. The girl full of life, passion and loads of dreams in her eyes. Since childhood i have seen dreams of getting married. Just like in fairy tales I always dreamt of a price charming who will come and take me to his beautiful kingdom of love. And yes, this happened, he came to fill my life with his love. I was on cloud 9 my prince charming was first of charming as hell and a lovely soul. I couldn’t believe on my fate because reality was more beautiful than my daydreams. We were getting married, families, friends everyone was so happy.
Yes, I can still feel all those moments and feelings. I was 23 and was all ready to receive my blessings. But I started staying in stress because of new changes in life and family. There was no honeymoon phase no outings just stress in family we started deteriorating financially all the dark clouds were gathered on head. I used to feel so emotionally drained weak, tired. After finishing chores, I used to keep lying on my bed for so long thinking about my lost paradise. I was getting sick frequently. Because of more family members in family, domestic chores were too much.
I was getting drained and grumpy. My Prince Charming was going away from me instead of sleeping next to me. One day while cooking I suddenly started feeling so much pain in my right shoulder and hand. Next morning, I was so dizzy, I could barely walk. Family members were not understanding anything. I could see ignorance and irritation in their eyes. The pain started spreading in my right body. I was losing grip and balance. My husband took me to doctor, and he thought it is pinched nerve or cervical pain.
After some time, it started spreading in whole body with multiple trigger points, dizziness, brain fog, etc. My heartbeat used to get abnormally high without doing anything since last few months. We went to another doctor than. He suggested some test where we found out that i was lacking many vitamins like b12, d, calcium etc. After some time when there were no signs of improvement. We again went there and i was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Generalized anxiety disorder.
I hardly ever heard of it before.
I started researching more and more about it. On the other side allopathic painkillers and anti-depressants were turning me into a zombie. I was getting hopeless. My husband was trying to understand but failing whereas for the new family it was very hard to digest. I was staying in guilt and used to feel worse about myself. Months passed and this quagmire was trapping me badly into it. I many times felt like giving up. I lost my career, my confidence, my figure, my passionate love life. Until I decided to fight with it not only physically but mentally. I started doing more research. I was having the addition of a new symptom every week. I planned to exercise but failed.
The pain was not allowing me to do so and making me more tired. I planned a diet and started changing my lifestyle. I made proper sleep my priority accompanied with healthy food. I fed my mind with positivity. I took help of my husband who instead of not understanding it completely help me with his love. I started practicing my hobbies. Many obstacles were coming nothing much changed but my pattern of thinking changed. I learnt to accept myself. I started ignoring when people were not understanding my disability.
I started prioritizing my health. I started to do more things which keep me happy like reading, painting, crafting, some cooking, talking to friends, enjoying little things. Appreciating nature and most importantly myself. It’s almost going to be a year and I am still fighting everyday with old chronic pains and new symptoms like rashes low bp, Mensuration problems, etc. etc. The list is so long but yes now I am stronger and more positive in with my disease and want to help such people who are suffering from same.
I have started living a beautiful life with my husband no matter how the situation is. Yes, still every day is a new inside battle where people think I am fine or I look fine, hardly know what kind of I am hiding behind this beautiful smile. And I want them to think same. Yes, I am a fibro warrior and I am ready to defeat it. Soon I want to share my fibro defeat story with you all. This is teaching me and I am learning a lot from this. I am a stronger person now which really taught me that how every cloud has a silver lining.